It just doesn't start beautifully sometimes..

Now this does not always refer to a relationship, it may even be the first paragraph of your essay, or or the first attempt of drawing your eyeliner, or the first interview of your life. Anything! You might encounter the obstacles in any point of your life. Now there, you can't always give up here you see. Yeah your emotions would be pushing you, begging you to stop, your mind would be setting up its own tactic in letting you down. But here where the courage you been piling up comes. Your heart's capable of letting a flower grow and blossom! 

Life's just more than planting your heart in ground for people who don't even deserve a reason for it. Now, easier said than done. But as you age, your mind would start to topple in different paths. You'll understand , sooner or later. After all, you will just learn the strategy to win if you lose several times! Embrace yourself, dear heart. Keep that 'flower' alive. That is the least you can do. Just like the anger of the fire can shape the metal and the sorrow being held by a writer can turn into poetry, everything does not always start beautifully.

Locking yourself in a vessel will not bring any good for the present time. It might start off with an ache, with a typhoon hitting the walls of your heart, constantly beating the bones or tearing off the layers of your fragile emotions.

It's just those norms you got to be understanding. This is just how things work. Being the odd one among the shining stars is not a curse. You rule the planets of your life!

~Till it shines back again!

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Coming across things, I remembered I still have this blog where the words would move forward as my fingers dance on my laptop's keyboard. Well oh well, someone should start typing the heart out. Shall we?

I been missing this sweet spot to express my feelings, my weird random thoughts and sometimes to rant. My mind just wanders to different places, from one spot to another gathering the information and yet not storing efficiently. Yeah, jack of all trades, master of none. This idiom surely describes me tho. I tend to have this curiosity to explore things out of my horizon. My sphere has always been focused to some spots, so I tend to widen the sphere, just for the sake of curiosity. The satisfaction you get after having your curiosity answered is just something beyond the words can ever express.

I guess I should keep typing out more here, and perhaps read back where did this little girl stand a few years ago when she was 23, when she was 25, or when she was 27. How did my thinking revolved, where was the sweet spot of the maturity, and where did the roots of wisdom grow at. That would be something interesting, isn't it? Well, to start with, I was a happy-go-lucky extrovert. But now I am an ambivert as I age. I am not totally an introvert, but I surely love to have my me-time. Now you might be thinking a me-time is what everyone needs. Yet, not everyone isolate themselves at weird times, though. I have been so extrovert that I would be sharing everything on my mind with people, literally anyone! I would not be thinking twice if my words might hurt anyone else.But when I shut down, the hurricane just kicks in.

As I age, I started to remain the momentum of being friendly towards others. Hence that is why I am kind of 'known' by everyone around. I always have held my hollow mockery of believing keep doing good to others, and the good will come back to you. Turns to be to very true! Some even used to call me a walking encyclopedia. My image has always been a talkative girl who is damn friendly to others and would be helping out no matter what happens!

I figured out how messy I can be at times, and some who are close to me might even feel that I am such a bad disaster. Just like a foggy night in a December's usual winter. Cold, blur, uncertain, sharp, and yet breezy. As I started to step into the phase of my own space, without any presence, or perhaps with a minimum presence of anyone, I knew myself more. I am not what I show to others or I claim to be! No matter how much I cover the painful words or sarcastic comments with a laugh, the tiny bit of needle still keeps pricking my the non-existing corners of my heart. My heart can ache as well, my emotions can peak into frustration or inexplicable sadness as well. Instead of turning sour towards that, I started to pick the good message from it. I started to keep the thoughts to myself, to have this determination of not letting anyone else feel what I feel, to keep doing good no matter how badly you are to be judged by the tiny humans on this huge planet.

So, keep walking in the breezy weather, let it storm, the skies would be clear again! The faith and courage would keep building up inside, and as the clock keeps ticking, you will finally have the joy!

~Till it shines back again!

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I have always been blogging anything that I wish to remind myself or pour my feelings out in this blog. Random topics eventually cross my mind, while I'm trying to be kinda.. mature? Yeah, perhaps. Mature when necessary, tho. So, I was wondering about this simple thing that normally happens in our society. Like, misunderstanding.  You went through this once in your life, didn't you? Actually, countless times, it's either you never realized or you never want to realize. There's a big difference tho. 

Misunderstanding, honestly, this simple word can tear your world apart and you'll feel so hopeless, like you aren't able to do anything. Why you was not be able to solve a small issue? Misunderstanding starts off in seconds and the impact on your life can last forever, till you resolve the issue. Isn't it funny? How a misunderstanding in between two or more people can cause so much, till sometimes you just know that you can't afford it. 

It's not that you don't want to solve it out, it's just that, the situation itself becomes a barrier. The 'scariest' part of it is that it happens suddenly! Like, just imagine yeah. You dress up perfectly. Put your high heels on. Make-up like a professional make-up artist. Your world is like filled up with everything so beautiful, so fabulous, perfect enough. You have a perfect mood and everything seems so magical. You feel like, oh okay I'm gonna make this day one of my best day, one of the day that is filled with laughter, joy, happiness and fun! 

Thennnnnn .. Booooom! Every magical moments you just desired for,  disappear in a blink of an eye due to just a small misunderstanding, and even worse when you get misunderstood. When you are misunderstood for something, you feel bad, don't you? It hurts. What you can do is, decorate the best smile on your face and face it everything. Remember, do your best to explain the situation even though you don't have to, at least you'll be able to 'save' a relationship. 

Things will eventually get better. Insha Allah.

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