I been missing this sweet spot to express my feelings, my weird random thoughts and sometimes to rant. My mind just wanders to different places, from one spot to another gathering the information and yet not storing efficiently. Yeah, jack of all trades, master of none. This idiom surely describes me tho. I tend to have this curiosity to explore things out of my horizon. My sphere has always been focused to some spots, so I tend to widen the sphere, just for the sake of curiosity. The satisfaction you get after having your curiosity answered is just something beyond the words can ever express.
I guess I should keep typing out more here, and perhaps read back where did this little girl stand a few years ago when she was 23, when she was 25, or when she was 27. How did my thinking revolved, where was the sweet spot of the maturity, and where did the roots of wisdom grow at. That would be something interesting, isn't it? Well, to start with, I was a happy-go-lucky extrovert. But now I am an ambivert as I age. I am not totally an introvert, but I surely love to have my me-time. Now you might be thinking a me-time is what everyone needs. Yet, not everyone isolate themselves at weird times, though. I have been so extrovert that I would be sharing everything on my mind with people, literally anyone! I would not be thinking twice if my words might hurt anyone else.But when I shut down, the hurricane just kicks in.
As I age, I started to remain the momentum of being friendly towards others. Hence that is why I am kind of 'known' by everyone around. I always have held my hollow mockery of believing keep doing good to others, and the good will come back to you. Turns to be to very true! Some even used to call me a walking encyclopedia. My image has always been a talkative girl who is damn friendly to others and would be helping out no matter what happens!
I figured out how messy I can be at times, and some who are close to me might even feel that I am such a bad disaster. Just like a foggy night in a December's usual winter. Cold, blur, uncertain, sharp, and yet breezy. As I started to step into the phase of my own space, without any presence, or perhaps with a minimum presence of anyone, I knew myself more. I am not what I show to others or I claim to be! No matter how much I cover the painful words or sarcastic comments with a laugh, the tiny bit of needle still keeps pricking my the non-existing corners of my heart. My heart can ache as well, my emotions can peak into frustration or inexplicable sadness as well. Instead of turning sour towards that, I started to pick the good message from it. I started to keep the thoughts to myself, to have this determination of not letting anyone else feel what I feel, to keep doing good no matter how badly you are to be judged by the tiny humans on this huge planet.So, keep walking in the breezy weather, let it storm, the skies would be clear again! The faith and courage would keep building up inside, and as the clock keeps ticking, you will finally have the joy!
~Till it shines back again!
